Few decisions weigh as much as who to marry, and Islam doesn’t leave you to make it alone. Istikharah means asking Allah for what is good: you bring a decision to the One who knows how it ends, and ask Him to choose for you.
Jabir ibn Abdullah said that the Prophet ﷺ used to teach his companions istikharah for every matter, the way he taught them a surah of the Qur’an (recorded by Bukhari). If it was taught for every matter, it is certainly for this one.
How to pray it
- Make wudu.
- Pray two rak’ahs that aren’t one of the five daily prayers. Any time is fine, except the times when voluntary prayer is disliked, such as while the sun is rising or setting.
- After the prayer, say the du’a the Prophet ﷺ taught, and when you reach "this matter", name it: this marriage to this person.
The du’a begins:
«اللَّهُمَّ إِنِّي أَسْتَخِيرُكَ بِعِلْمِكَ، وَأَسْتَقْدِرُكَ بِقُدْرَتِكَ، وَأَسْأَلُكَ مِنْ فَضْلِكَ الْعَظِيمِ»
"O Allah, I ask You to guide me by Your knowledge, and to give me ability by Your power, and I ask You of Your immense favour."
The Prophet ﷺ, narrated by Jabir ibn Abdullah, Bukhari
It goes on to say that Allah knows and you don’t, that He is able and you aren’t. Then you ask: if He knows this matter is good for you in your deen, your life and how things end for you, to decree it for you and make it easy, and to bless it. And if He knows it is bad for you, to turn it away from you and you away from it, to decree what is good for you wherever it is, and to make you content with it. Learn it from a reliable book of du’as, or ask your imam to go through it with you, so you can say it with meaning.
What happens afterwards
Here are the common worries, answered.
- Do I need a dream? No. Nothing in the hadith mentions dreams, and waiting for one can leave you stuck.
- Do I need a strong feeling? Not necessarily. Many scholars say you go ahead with what you’d decided to do, and watch whether the way is made easy or whether doors close.
- Can I pray it more than once? Yes. Many people do, as their thinking develops.
- Can my parents pray it for me? The hadith teaches the person facing the decision to pray it, so pray it yourself. Your parents can always make du’a for you, and it’s a beautiful thing when they do.
Istikharah and asking people
Istikharah isn’t a replacement for using your head. The Sunnah pairs it with istisharah, consulting people with knowledge and experience. Talk to your parents, your wali, an imam, and people who know the person well. Then pray, and then act.
If, after all of that, the doors keep closing, that is an answer too, and it comes with the promise in the du’a itself: that Allah will decree the good for you wherever it is.
This article is general guidance written by the Align team, not a fatwa. For your own situation, speak to a scholar or the imam at your local mosque.
